Over 30 and still single? Don’t worry!

September 3, 2009 5

Last year I was at my uncle’s house and he was telling me that I really don’t have much time to find my mate. After all, it takes time and if you want to have babies tick tock, tick tock. I was a little freaked out by it all. Having gone through a pretty big breakup I wasn’t seriously looking, I was more at a point where I wanted to figure out what I was looking for before I tried to find it….but then this fear set in that I’m 31, and time is running out.

Shortly after I had my “aha” moment! I was thinking about life and where I wanted to be at different points at my life. I had read in the paper earlier that day that the idea that you shouldn’t have children after 35 was never based on fact, but based on assumptions that have never been proven, or even tested. And then I figured that if I can safely have children until I’m 40 that means I have 9 years to find my mate….that’s a huge amount of time! I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I allowed myself to sit back and reflect on what I wanted…while still going out on dates and figuring it out as I went along.

A few months later I met someone fantastic. Thankfully I let fear subside and I ignored all those worries about life and being single. When I met my boyfriend and we started dating I was able to approach it with a fun and worry free attitude instead of a schedule. I was able to enjoy getting to know someone, instead of trying to determine if he was my match after only a few dates.

And that’s one of the little things that made a huge difference in my life.

There are 5 comments

  • admin says:

    Hi KGirl,

    I think those concerns about losing yourself are fairly common, and lots of women make sure they have girl time, alone time and other sorts of activities to make sure they hold on to the things they love so they don’t feel they’ve given up a part of their identity when coupled up.

    If it helps whenever I’m uncertain of what I really want out of my life I look into my future and look at what my life is like or what I’m surrounded by. For me I picture a big family and lots of kids, so I know that’s really important for me. You might want to try this visual activity to help you figure out what’s near and dear to you.

    If you try it out let me know how it goes, ok?

  • KGirl says:

    Thanks for the post. Though I’m still hoping to find someone to share my life with, at 39, I’m happy being single and dating … for now! But I must admit when I turned 39 this year that tick-tock feeling came on ever so slightly – perhaps because my body is hitting its critical point when it comes to childbearing; perhaps because we’ve been educated to think our lives are somehow incomplete without men and babies; perhaps because I’m genuinely starting to think, selfishly, that I don’t want to be alone at age 60 and that (perhaps also selfishly) I want to give to some little being who is mine, the way my parents gave so much to me. But the fear part is so unfounded in a way: I’ve never felt or looked better, and finally, at almost 40, I have the strongest sense of who I am! Sadly, I often lose that selfhood when I hook up with a gent as those ingrained expectations about ‘the one’ and ‘settling down’ kick in, when as Leyla points out the whole marriage thing just may not be for everyone … can any one relate?

  • Leyla says:

    I cannot believe we’re still talking about this. Being over 30 and unmarried. It is the norm these days, isn’t it?

    I am 37 and I still don’t sweat it. In my opinion, getting married young is the ONLY way. I love it when women say, “I could have babies into my 40s”. Yes, you could but then you also have to be 50 when they’re 9. And you will be 60 when they’re in college.

    I don’t know about you or the ladies who read this blog, but me, I’m out. NO way do I want babies at 40! And no way do I want to be chasing around a 4th grader at 50.

    Personally, at 50, I want to be sipping champagne on some 60 year old’s luxury motor yacht off the coast of Ft. Lauderdale.

    • admin says:

      Thanks for the comment Leyla. I find it so interesting how at different points in our life we think differently. I know so many women in their thirties that worry about being single – mostly due to family pressure to get married! I’ve had a fair amount of women ask me how I met my guy and what advice I’d have for them.

      I think it’s just a matter of personal preference – but it’s really important to be true to you and make sure that you get what you want out of life instead of acting out of fear, or pretending you don’t want something because you don’t think you can get it. And getting married and having a family isn’t for everyone. If you know that you’re miles ahead of so many people that are still searching for answers.

      I too want to be sipping champagne on a luxury yacht at 50…but I’ll go to Capri instead, and when I fly back into Toronto I’ll return to my youngish and rowdy kids :) Call me a dreamer, but I believe it’s all possible.