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Life
Men vs. Women: Who Should Bring The Condoms
May 12, 2010 at 10:49 am 7
condoms Today's article is a guest post from a Lily, a recent divorcee who is re-learning the dating ropes. ---- I literally could not believe what was coming out of her mouth “why would I keep condoms at my house? That’s his responsibility”. I almost fell over. Now I am sure most of you are thinking that I must have been having a conversation with a sure-to-be knocked up soon 16 year old, but sadly no. I was talking to a divorced 32 year old woman. At this age I was shocked to discover that people are still taking this attitude. A strong enough woman to leave her husband when she was unhappy, become a successful lawyer, and yet somehow does not seem to be able to take control of her own sex life. I got curious, perhaps I was a little too in control of my sex life, maybe I was the odd ball out with a box of condoms in my night table drawer (which by the way still seems to be full, but that’s a whole other post!) so the polling of my friends became my newest past time. I literally asked everyone I knew who was single if they had condoms at their house. Pure shock, you have no idea how many woman still think it’s the guys job to bring the condoms. Newsflash ladies, if you don’t have condoms at your place your choices become, 1) no sex (bad choice when you are already at the point of needing a condom) 2) uncovered sex (do I really need to explain the reason for this being a bad choice?!). I don’t know about you but neither of these two options seem like good ones for me. So ladies, it’s 2010 if you’re going to have sex, be prepared, take control of your sexual destiny, and splurge the $12 and stick a box in your night stand, they last for years! Till Next Time, Lily!
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Life
7 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
November 10, 2009 at 12:03 pm 1
For most people getting married is a huge step. And not just a step into a loving future, but also a step into uncertainty. No matter how much time you spend with your man, how well do you really know him? Do you know what he wants/desires/dislikes and how this fits in with your life? For some religions couples counselling is required prior to getting married. It’s a way to make sure you want the same things and share similar values. But what about everyone else? To make sure you’re on the same page it’s a good idea to have a heart to heart with your mate. And it doesn’t need to be big and heavy, so go ahead, open the wine, light the candles and share, share sugarbear. Listen with open ears and speak with no consequences. It’s a great way to get to know where your mates heads at, and see how his answers work with yours. 1. Do you want to have children? How many? Who will take care of them? How will you afford them? For many couples this is a hugely important issue. Make sure you share values and get a chance to see how each of you feel about your roles/responsibilities. Does he want you to stay at home? Are you okay with that? Does he want one and you want six? 2. Can you talk about money? Do you agree on spending/saving habits? How much money do you need to have a good life? Is that realistic? Who is/are the breadwinners? These are all really important questions to clear up and put out on the table. Make sure you share money values – this is one of the major reasons couples fight and/or split up. If your answers are not 100% the same that may not be a deal breaker, but if you can’t agree on anything take it as a red flag. 3. Can you talk about sex? Do you have the same sex drive? Can you talk openly about what you like/don’t like? Sex is another couple breaker upper, and taps into some of our deepest worries/fears/concerns so have a good chat about it. It’s better to find out that he wants an open marriage and you only want vanilla sex sooner rather than later. 4. What’s your dream life? This one is so open ended, and can be tricky...but that’s why it’s also great. Find out what your mate really wants, and make sure this works for you. Does he have an idea of what he wants, or a plan on how to get there? Some girls are willing to just wing it, while others need to know what’s in store. But best be careful here, and make sure your ship is sailing in the same direction, even if you have slightly different paths make sure you have the same general goals. 5. How are your parent’s relationships? Many couples fall into the same patterns as their parents. If you want to make some changes how are you going to do this? Could you benefit from talking to a professional? These are pretty tough questions to answer, and many people resist doing anything other than talking about what kind of people they don’t want to become. If you want to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes as your parents you may benefit from some help. 6. What are you willing to do if things get really rough? In this day of a 50% divorce rate it’s really important to figure out how you, and your partner, view commitment and what you would be willing to do if things got really rough. Would you be willing to give up your career aspirations and stay at home, or move to a small town to simplify life if finances got really tight? Ask yourself some tough questions to figure out where your priorities are, and what that means for your relationship. If one of you is willing to change everything and the other can only handle minor sacrifices you may have big value differences that are better to figure out before you get married. 7. How involved will your families be in your life? What about friends? Family involvement and social time can be a big issue for some couples. If you want to cocoon with your own family but your husband wants a big fat Greek family dinner five nights a week it’s something you should know about. If your honey places hockey nights with his buddies over spending time with your sisters and best friends that’s something you should also pay attention to. Things won’t change that much when you get married, so take a clue from how you live now, and figure out if you still want to live that way five years down the road.
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Life
Over 30 and still single? Don’t worry!
September 3, 2009 at 2:34 pm 5
Last year I was at my uncle's house and he was telling me that I really don't have much time to find my mate. After all, it takes time and if you want to have babies tick tock, tick tock. I was a little freaked out by it all. Having gone through a pretty big breakup I wasn't seriously looking, I was more at a point where I wanted to figure out what I was looking for before I tried to find it....but then this fear set in that I'm 31, and time is running out. Shortly after I had my “aha” moment! I was thinking about life and where I wanted to be at different points at my life. I had read in the paper earlier that day that the idea that you shouldn't have children after 35 was never based on fact, but based on assumptions that have never been proven, or even tested. And then I figured that if I can safely have children until I'm 40 that means I have 9 years to find my mate....that's a huge amount of time! I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I allowed myself to sit back and reflect on what I wanted...while still going out on dates and figuring it out as I went along. A few months later I met someone fantastic. Thankfully I let fear subside and I ignored all those worries about life and being single. When I met my boyfriend and we started dating I was able to approach it with a fun and worry free attitude instead of a schedule. I was able to enjoy getting to know someone, instead of trying to determine if he was my match after only a few dates. And that's one of the little things that made a huge difference in my life.
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Life
Seven Great Things About Dating
August 6, 2009 at 10:32 am 0
For most daters we go through periods of a dating slump - we question if our dream partner is really out there, we wonder when our next date will appear, and after many failed dates we may even start to have a negative attitude and wonder if it's really worth it. Sometimes all we need is a little reminder of the positives to keep us trucking along. So don't despair daters, there are many great things about dating! 1. You get to know yourself really well. What you like, what you don't like...and all the thing in between. The better understanding you have of yourself the better you can judge if your date would fit into your picture. 2. You learn to read other people well. After many dates with many different people you figure everyone out pretty easily. Enjoy the extra knowledge that you pick up along the way, so when you are out on future dates you'll know if he's a prince or a toad in no time! 3. You get to try different people on for size. Many successful daters go all over....larger men, older men, jokers......until they found the perfect fit. Don't keep on trying the same thing and wondering why it doesn't work...mix it up and you may have more success. 4. You get to see lots of new places. When dating we tend to be more adventurous and so do our dates, so we get exposed to new places and new things very easily. It's like you get to be a tourist in your own life! 5. You get to meet new people. Sometimes he’s not Mr. Right, but we get to meet lots of new great people and their friends and families. Enjoy the contact with new people...they may end up being your friends or business colleagues in the future! 6. You get to kiss lots of boys. Need I say more? 7. You have great stories to tell your girlfriends!
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Life
Seven Secrets About Men They’ll Never Tell You
July 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm 2
While ladies tell their girlfriends every last detail about their dating life, men tend to keep silent. To help solve some of the mystery here are seven little dating secrets that you'll never hear from a man. 1. Men want to find their perfect match as much as women do. Everyone wants to be in a fulfilling, supportive and loving relationship. It’s just not cool for guys to talk about it. Instead they talk about humping girls and sports. 2. A challenge is a great thing. Think low maintenance is sexy? To a certain degree it is, but if you say yes to everything and don’t challenge your man on some things that’s boring. Really boring. 3. Girls with limits are sexy. Don’t let your man get away with bad behaviour. Secretly, guys love it when you let them know you expect to be treated like a princess sometimes and you will accept no less. They will push your boundaries, and test out if you will stay strong on these, so make sure you are strong and believe in what you’re asking for. Don’t go overboard though. For some girls it’s as simple as their man opening the car door for them on date night, for others it’s getting him to make reservations at your favourite restaurant instead of you doing it…..whatever it is make sure it’s important to you, otherwise it’s just silly. 4. Men love to be loved, admired and appreciated. Every man wants a woman that lets him knows he’s great, and says thank you for the little things, and provides support and encouragement. As much as we love it when our friends tell us we look cute and sexy and that we really helped them out by driving them to the mall men love it too. If your guy does a sweet thing make sure you tell him. It makes him feel great and makes him want to do more sweet things for you. 5. Men love to feel powerful. They like to feel that they know what they are doing and that you are confident in them. One of the main killers of this great feeling is when women nag. It’s just annoying. Sometimes if your man takes a longer route to a party and you know a better way, just be quiet. If he’s stressed and work is bothering him, let him know that you think it’s great how dedicated he is and how you know he’ll come up with a great solution. It’ll make him feel great, even if he never tells you. 6. Sex is a great reward. It’s just that simple. If you want your man to feel great and powerful and like a man you should be having lots of sex. And not mercy sex either. Do what you have to and get yourself in a mental space where you love the lovemaking. Read some sexy novels, buy some new lingerie, talk dirty….whatever it is get yourself ready for sexy times and then get at it! 7. There are lots of things men love and they’ll never admit it. See numbers 1 - 6 for more details.
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Life
How to Find Mr. Right
June 4, 2009 at 3:22 pm 0
For many of us daters we spend so much of our time obsessing over our dates, but we don't really know what we're looking for. It's like we have a goal in mind, without a game plan. So, I went on a research spree to find out how to date successfully and how girls can get what they want out of dating.

1. Find the patterns in your dating past. What did you like and what did you not like?Chances are you’ll find a pattern. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 2. Make a list of what you are looking for. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream "want" list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Think of how you present yourself. This one is huge! Step out of yourself for a few minutes and think of the impressions you give other people. Do people respond well to you and keep asking more? Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? Do people often look past you and at other girls when they are talking to you? Most of the time how people respond to you is a mirror of the impressions you are giving them. If people always want to talk to you about sex and your naughty experiences chances are very high you are giving the impression you are sexually available. If you aren’t happy with how people respond to you it is entirely up to you to make some serious changes and have people respond to you with respect and warmth.

4. Keep yourself open to opportunity. Look all around for chances to meet and connect with people. Waiting in line for a coffee? Have a quick chat with a stranger. If this is hard for you take baby steps. Maybe talk to women at first, and then start talking to men once you find it easier. Asking questions is an easy icebreaker – for example “How is that iced chocolate chip mint latte? I’ve never had one before” Everywhere you go find ways to chat with strangers, whether it’s at the coffee shop, at the park, or at the candy store. In these days of internet everything people are craving a human connection – if you just want to say hi people will usually respond well. 5. Go out often. One of the worst things you can do is pine over guys and wish you had a boyfriend and then stay in alone night after night. How is prince charming going to find you in your house? He’s out and about looking for you too, so let him find you. Make a conscious decision to go out and mix it up. This means go to different places and don’t always be surrounded by a pack of friends. If you always go to the same place chances are you keep on running into the same type of people and always remember - a group of girls is pretty intimidating. Go out alone, or with one or two friends at max.

6. Stop playing games with yourself. I know so many people that justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 7. No sex for 2 or 3 months. If a guy likes you he’ll wait. This is a great way to weed out the guys that aren’t worthy of your time, and also to make sure you connect on a much deeper level before you get intimate. If you have sex before 2 – 3 months you’ve killed the mystery and put yourself on sale when you should have been charging full price. Dying for some sexy times? There are stores with accessories that can help you out. It may not be as good as a human connection but it’s sure better than losing someone that you really liked because you slept with him too soon.
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