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Life
How Much Change Is Too Much?
November 24, 2009 at 12:53 pm 0
Most girls love change. We change our clothes a few times every morning, our accessories every day, our hair a few times a week, and sometimes our male companions monthly and jobs and homes semi annually. But how much change is too much? When the major components of life - living, loving and labouring - are always changing, it may be too much. There’s something nice about constants in life. Like work you've maintained for years, friends you've had since grade school, or homes that have been in your family for generations. It says you're rooted, comfortable, and reliable. Maybe your vacations change, or your Tuesday dinners, but you're not always in flux. People know what to expect from you...and you've passed the test of time in many situations. You don't have disposable friends, temporary housing, or castaway career ambitions. Like most girls I love change. I thrive on it...it fuels me up and gives me energy. I find nothing more exciting than travelling to foreign soil and being thrown in a land of surprises, where everything is changing and dramatically different than what I'm used to. I've lived all across Canada, moved to France without speaking more than 20 words of French, and migrated to Asia without a clue of what I was getting into. But when I got engaged so much change was on the table. Was I going to change my name? Was I going to sell my apartment, move into my fiancés apartment, rent another one, or buy a house? What about a family...were we going to try right away? Were we going to have a big wedding, a small wedding, a destination wedding, a themed wedding? Were we going to have another one in Argentina (where my fiancé is from)? And that was just too much change. So for now, I'm going to get married and move into my fiancé’s apartment after we get married. And when, and only when, those changes have settled in I'll be ready for more change.
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Life
7 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
November 10, 2009 at 12:03 pm 1
For most people getting married is a huge step. And not just a step into a loving future, but also a step into uncertainty. No matter how much time you spend with your man, how well do you really know him? Do you know what he wants/desires/dislikes and how this fits in with your life? For some religions couples counselling is required prior to getting married. It’s a way to make sure you want the same things and share similar values. But what about everyone else? To make sure you’re on the same page it’s a good idea to have a heart to heart with your mate. And it doesn’t need to be big and heavy, so go ahead, open the wine, light the candles and share, share sugarbear. Listen with open ears and speak with no consequences. It’s a great way to get to know where your mates heads at, and see how his answers work with yours. 1. Do you want to have children? How many? Who will take care of them? How will you afford them? For many couples this is a hugely important issue. Make sure you share values and get a chance to see how each of you feel about your roles/responsibilities. Does he want you to stay at home? Are you okay with that? Does he want one and you want six? 2. Can you talk about money? Do you agree on spending/saving habits? How much money do you need to have a good life? Is that realistic? Who is/are the breadwinners? These are all really important questions to clear up and put out on the table. Make sure you share money values – this is one of the major reasons couples fight and/or split up. If your answers are not 100% the same that may not be a deal breaker, but if you can’t agree on anything take it as a red flag. 3. Can you talk about sex? Do you have the same sex drive? Can you talk openly about what you like/don’t like? Sex is another couple breaker upper, and taps into some of our deepest worries/fears/concerns so have a good chat about it. It’s better to find out that he wants an open marriage and you only want vanilla sex sooner rather than later. 4. What’s your dream life? This one is so open ended, and can be tricky...but that’s why it’s also great. Find out what your mate really wants, and make sure this works for you. Does he have an idea of what he wants, or a plan on how to get there? Some girls are willing to just wing it, while others need to know what’s in store. But best be careful here, and make sure your ship is sailing in the same direction, even if you have slightly different paths make sure you have the same general goals. 5. How are your parent’s relationships? Many couples fall into the same patterns as their parents. If you want to make some changes how are you going to do this? Could you benefit from talking to a professional? These are pretty tough questions to answer, and many people resist doing anything other than talking about what kind of people they don’t want to become. If you want to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes as your parents you may benefit from some help. 6. What are you willing to do if things get really rough? In this day of a 50% divorce rate it’s really important to figure out how you, and your partner, view commitment and what you would be willing to do if things got really rough. Would you be willing to give up your career aspirations and stay at home, or move to a small town to simplify life if finances got really tight? Ask yourself some tough questions to figure out where your priorities are, and what that means for your relationship. If one of you is willing to change everything and the other can only handle minor sacrifices you may have big value differences that are better to figure out before you get married. 7. How involved will your families be in your life? What about friends? Family involvement and social time can be a big issue for some couples. If you want to cocoon with your own family but your husband wants a big fat Greek family dinner five nights a week it’s something you should know about. If your honey places hockey nights with his buddies over spending time with your sisters and best friends that’s something you should also pay attention to. Things won’t change that much when you get married, so take a clue from how you live now, and figure out if you still want to live that way five years down the road.
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Life
Are Destination Weddings Easier?
October 15, 2009 at 12:51 pm 2




Since the big engagement announcement the pressure has been on to plan and plan and then plan some more. To make sure it all happens I made wedding planning a part of my monthly goals. By the end of this month I want to figure out when I am getting married and where it is going to happen. So a few times a day I go online, google "destination wedding" and search around. But so far I've come up totally dry. I flip flop between Mexico, St. Lucia and then I google some other destinations and add them into the mix. I look at hotels and so many of the pictures are from the 80's, and it makes me think the hotel is outdated. I look at menus (if they are offered, most of the time you have to request them) and I'm not convinced that the food would work. I look at drink menus and I can't see the variety of drinks that we would need. All I want is a fun party! I thought destination weddings are supposed to be easier. Photo Credit: Destination I Do
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Life
Share Share Sugarbear: Thanks For Sharing Cashmere Clutch!
October 2, 2009 at 12:06 pm 0
It's been a long process to get to this point in my blog and I couldn't be happier with the recent modifications to the site to freshen it up and make it look cleaner and more stylish. But, I couldn't have done it without all the support, encouragement and kind words from folks like you. So a big THANK YOU to all the Cashmere Clutch readers. You guys have been amazing at helping me to launch the site and I'm thrilled many of you like it so much you're getting your friends to read it too. I can't lie - it takes quite a bit of time and effort to keep this site up and running and making sure that there are fun posts for you to read almost every day. It's kind words of encouragement from people like you that keep things rolling along nicely - especially on days when posts mysteriously disappear into internet land! So keep the comments coming, drop by often, and don't be shy to tell your friends about the blog, as many of you have done already! Hugs!
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Life
Big and Wonderful News – I’m Engaged!
September 28, 2009 at 12:23 pm 18

Something very wonderful, exciting and beautiful is brewing in my life - I'm engaged! I'm sure there are lots of questions like "how did it happen?", "how did he propose?" "did you get a ring?", so I thought I'd just head those all off. Here's the engagement story: For me I knew he was "the one" very early on but I needed to pass some milestones together before making it official. I needed him to meet my aunt and uncle (who are like second parents to me), I needed to meet his parents, and I needed some time to pass together so I knew it wasn't just a new thing, but everyday love. Over the past few months we've passed all these important milestones and as the time keeps moving on we feel closer and closer together, we become more and more connected and I can't imagine spending my days without him. He's my everyday bread and butter.

We've done some very fancy things together like going to top notch restaurants and 5 star resorts, we've done some very basic things together like renovate my apartment and sort through his tax receipts(fun, I know), and we've taken long trips together and endured everyday hardships with work stress and other little life tensions. And through it all we were growing together, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

I wasn't surprised when he proposed. He'd given me some hints that he was ready to get married. He had even asked me casually a few times if I wanted to get married...he would just slip it into conversations with things like "when do you think you'd like to get married?" and "where do you want to get married?". One time we were skipping rocks on the lake and he asked me point blank "will you marry me?" but I didn't take it that seriously. We had only been dating six months and I wasn't at that point yet so I answered "in the future, yes". In total he asked me three times before I accepted his proposal! It's a good thing he's persistent! The last time he asked me I knew there was something different. We had been together for ten months, and I'd met his family and he'd met some of mine. A good amount of time passed so I knew it wasn't just a fun new thing. We'd even traveled together and spent every minute together for ten days straight and not made each other crazy. Quite the opposite actually, we had a lovely time together and became the very best of friends. So after all these events I realized this was my man. He is sweet, kind, caring, responsible, hardworking, funny and is all around lovely. After asking me two times to get married I couldn't resist his third proposal. We were at Langdon Hall having a very romantic last minute getaway. We had spent a wonderful day and evening together and just relaxed and did romantic things, like sitting in front of the pond watching the fish swim by while holding hands, or napping on the grass together underneath a tree with a light breeze blowing on us. It was just perfect. We woke up the next day and were chatting in bed. After a few minutes of chatting away he looked over at me and asked "Will you marry me?", and without a blink I said "Yes!" It was a wonderful moment. Even though it was 9am we opened some celebration wine.

Since it wasn't a planned event he didn't have a ring or anything. But he'd done his research. He'd read online that it's very important to get a ring that you know your lady wants, instead of what you THINK she wants. So he'd been collecting information along the way to figure out what I'd like. But he wasn't totally confident. So, instead of proposing with a ring, he decided that he'd let me pick out my own ring after we were engaged. And that's exactly what we did. We went to the jewelery store and had a custom ring made based on an earring that I liked. It took about 6 weeks to get the ring, and I didn't want to tell anyone I was engaged until I had my ring. I knew the first question that every girl was going to ask me would be "What does your ring look like?" I wanted to have a ring to show them. So last Tuesday my ring was finally ready. We went out to celebrate at a fancy restaurant we'd had our third date at. The anticipation was killing me. I was so excited to see it, but also didn't want to open it right away...I wanted to enjoy the excitement! So we had a glass of champagne and the lovely package from the jeweler made its way over to my side of the table. And then we had our appetizer and the package was right next to me. When we had our main course I'd opened the lovely letter my fiance had written to me. After our tea I finally opened the package. It's beautiful. My ring is exactly what I wanted. But an engagement ring isn't something that carries no weight. It's a huge deal! So instead of focusing on the ring I kept on telling my fiance how much I loved him and how excited I was about this step in our lives. He thought I wasn't that excited about the ring because I wasn't focusing on it, I was focusing on him and us.

Of course I'm super excited about the ring! It's gorgeous! But even now when I look at it I'm excited about the idea of sharing our lives together.
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Life
7 Never Fail Tips on How to Talk to Guys
September 22, 2009 at 12:31 pm 0
For many girls chatting with guys is a very scary thing to do. Help is here! With these simple tricks you can chit chat away with anyone, make connections and get yourself closer to finding the man of your dreams. 1. Start where you are comfortable. If you are shy and talking to strange men is hard for you don’t despair, you can start in your comfort zone. If talking with new men is a huge step start talking with new women first. Once you see how easy it is use the same techniques to start talking to men. 2. Ask questions. I used to have a hard time chatting with strangers and then I figured out a little secret – just ask a question! At a coffee line ask if the person has tried a new drink. At the park as the cute guy what kind of dog he has. If you seem interested people will be open to chatting about anything. 3. Don’t forget to be polite and friendly. If you are uncomfortable and find yourself shooting random questions so you can start a conversation step back, take a deep breath, and don’t forget your p’s and q’s. You’re doing this exercise to meet your match, so treat the person as a friend and act natural and polite. 4. Use positive body language. Smile, have your body facing towards them, keep your stance open and stop fidgeting. There are many ways that we communicate with people, so make sure you’re giving all the signs that you’re enjoying the chat. If it’s uncomfortable at first try it out and you’ll see how easy it is. 5. Act interested in the topic. If you have had success chatting with strangers you’ll notice that the more you seem interested in their topic, and the more positive words you infuse the conversation with, the more guys will want to chat. It’s fun to talk to someone who wants to talk to you and who makes you feel good and interesting. It’s not fun chatting with someone who is asking questions and then doesn’t listen to the answer. 6. Don’t let the conversation die. I’ve made so many introductions between people and put out ice breakers for them only to see them let the conversation totally die. In one instance I introduced a girl to one of my friends from high school. I mentioned how they worked in similar industries – finance. He was in mutual funds and she was in currency exchange. Instead of talking more about it she let the conversation die only to say “Those aren’t similar industries”. Later she was talking to me telling me how cute he was! Remember, stay positive and interested and you’ll find many similarities, even if he’s a farmer and you are a salon owner. Look for commonalities instead of differences. 7. Don’t worry about not looking your sexiest. This is probably to your advantage. You look friendlier and more approachable. People will respond better to you, so instead of using this as an excuse to hold back, think of it as a great time to chat away with strangers
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Life
How to be a Good Girlfriend: Learning When to Say Nothing
September 10, 2009 at 1:24 pm 0
I’m not sure that I’m a good girlfriend all of the time…I do have my indecisive, cranky and grumbly moments, but most of the time I think I do a good job of being a girlfriend.

One little trick I learned to be a good girlfriend – sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. Like when your boyfriend is trying to do something and he can’t figure it out, that's a good time to keep quiet. It happened to me in Italy. I guess the way you fill up a car with gas is a little different than in North America, and it got a tad frustrating for him…I could see my boyfriends face looking more and more grumpy, he was scratching his head, he didn’t want the other people to help him out, he wasn’t sure how to get the money in the machine…. So instead of standing over him and asking him what was wrong I found my own fun…and started taking pictures of nearby cherry trees. It worked wonders. Five minutes later the car was filled with gas, the furrow in his brow was gone and we were on our way. Sometimes saying nothing is the best thing you can do.
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Life
Over 30 and still single? Don’t worry!
September 3, 2009 at 2:34 pm 5
Last year I was at my uncle's house and he was telling me that I really don't have much time to find my mate. After all, it takes time and if you want to have babies tick tock, tick tock. I was a little freaked out by it all. Having gone through a pretty big breakup I wasn't seriously looking, I was more at a point where I wanted to figure out what I was looking for before I tried to find it....but then this fear set in that I'm 31, and time is running out. Shortly after I had my “aha” moment! I was thinking about life and where I wanted to be at different points at my life. I had read in the paper earlier that day that the idea that you shouldn't have children after 35 was never based on fact, but based on assumptions that have never been proven, or even tested. And then I figured that if I can safely have children until I'm 40 that means I have 9 years to find my mate....that's a huge amount of time! I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I allowed myself to sit back and reflect on what I wanted...while still going out on dates and figuring it out as I went along. A few months later I met someone fantastic. Thankfully I let fear subside and I ignored all those worries about life and being single. When I met my boyfriend and we started dating I was able to approach it with a fun and worry free attitude instead of a schedule. I was able to enjoy getting to know someone, instead of trying to determine if he was my match after only a few dates. And that's one of the little things that made a huge difference in my life.
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Life
Ice Cream Hater
August 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm 2
My name is Ingrid and I DO NOT LIKE ICE CREAM. Yes, that's correct, Chunky Monkey is not for me. It’s too rich and it makes me very thirsty. People are always shocked when I tell them this – a girl that doesn’t like ice cream?? Can anyone relate?
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Life
Seven Great Things About Dating
August 6, 2009 at 10:32 am 0
For most daters we go through periods of a dating slump - we question if our dream partner is really out there, we wonder when our next date will appear, and after many failed dates we may even start to have a negative attitude and wonder if it's really worth it. Sometimes all we need is a little reminder of the positives to keep us trucking along. So don't despair daters, there are many great things about dating! 1. You get to know yourself really well. What you like, what you don't like...and all the thing in between. The better understanding you have of yourself the better you can judge if your date would fit into your picture. 2. You learn to read other people well. After many dates with many different people you figure everyone out pretty easily. Enjoy the extra knowledge that you pick up along the way, so when you are out on future dates you'll know if he's a prince or a toad in no time! 3. You get to try different people on for size. Many successful daters go all over....larger men, older men, jokers......until they found the perfect fit. Don't keep on trying the same thing and wondering why it doesn't work...mix it up and you may have more success. 4. You get to see lots of new places. When dating we tend to be more adventurous and so do our dates, so we get exposed to new places and new things very easily. It's like you get to be a tourist in your own life! 5. You get to meet new people. Sometimes he’s not Mr. Right, but we get to meet lots of new great people and their friends and families. Enjoy the contact with new people...they may end up being your friends or business colleagues in the future! 6. You get to kiss lots of boys. Need I say more? 7. You have great stories to tell your girlfriends!
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Life
Seven Secrets About Men They’ll Never Tell You
July 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm 2
While ladies tell their girlfriends every last detail about their dating life, men tend to keep silent. To help solve some of the mystery here are seven little dating secrets that you'll never hear from a man. 1. Men want to find their perfect match as much as women do. Everyone wants to be in a fulfilling, supportive and loving relationship. It’s just not cool for guys to talk about it. Instead they talk about humping girls and sports. 2. A challenge is a great thing. Think low maintenance is sexy? To a certain degree it is, but if you say yes to everything and don’t challenge your man on some things that’s boring. Really boring. 3. Girls with limits are sexy. Don’t let your man get away with bad behaviour. Secretly, guys love it when you let them know you expect to be treated like a princess sometimes and you will accept no less. They will push your boundaries, and test out if you will stay strong on these, so make sure you are strong and believe in what you’re asking for. Don’t go overboard though. For some girls it’s as simple as their man opening the car door for them on date night, for others it’s getting him to make reservations at your favourite restaurant instead of you doing it…..whatever it is make sure it’s important to you, otherwise it’s just silly. 4. Men love to be loved, admired and appreciated. Every man wants a woman that lets him knows he’s great, and says thank you for the little things, and provides support and encouragement. As much as we love it when our friends tell us we look cute and sexy and that we really helped them out by driving them to the mall men love it too. If your guy does a sweet thing make sure you tell him. It makes him feel great and makes him want to do more sweet things for you. 5. Men love to feel powerful. They like to feel that they know what they are doing and that you are confident in them. One of the main killers of this great feeling is when women nag. It’s just annoying. Sometimes if your man takes a longer route to a party and you know a better way, just be quiet. If he’s stressed and work is bothering him, let him know that you think it’s great how dedicated he is and how you know he’ll come up with a great solution. It’ll make him feel great, even if he never tells you. 6. Sex is a great reward. It’s just that simple. If you want your man to feel great and powerful and like a man you should be having lots of sex. And not mercy sex either. Do what you have to and get yourself in a mental space where you love the lovemaking. Read some sexy novels, buy some new lingerie, talk dirty….whatever it is get yourself ready for sexy times and then get at it! 7. There are lots of things men love and they’ll never admit it. See numbers 1 - 6 for more details.
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Life
How to Find Mr. Right
June 4, 2009 at 3:22 pm 0
For many of us daters we spend so much of our time obsessing over our dates, but we don't really know what we're looking for. It's like we have a goal in mind, without a game plan. So, I went on a research spree to find out how to date successfully and how girls can get what they want out of dating.

1. Find the patterns in your dating past. What did you like and what did you not like?Chances are you’ll find a pattern. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 2. Make a list of what you are looking for. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream "want" list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Think of how you present yourself. This one is huge! Step out of yourself for a few minutes and think of the impressions you give other people. Do people respond well to you and keep asking more? Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? Do people often look past you and at other girls when they are talking to you? Most of the time how people respond to you is a mirror of the impressions you are giving them. If people always want to talk to you about sex and your naughty experiences chances are very high you are giving the impression you are sexually available. If you aren’t happy with how people respond to you it is entirely up to you to make some serious changes and have people respond to you with respect and warmth.

4. Keep yourself open to opportunity. Look all around for chances to meet and connect with people. Waiting in line for a coffee? Have a quick chat with a stranger. If this is hard for you take baby steps. Maybe talk to women at first, and then start talking to men once you find it easier. Asking questions is an easy icebreaker – for example “How is that iced chocolate chip mint latte? I’ve never had one before” Everywhere you go find ways to chat with strangers, whether it’s at the coffee shop, at the park, or at the candy store. In these days of internet everything people are craving a human connection – if you just want to say hi people will usually respond well. 5. Go out often. One of the worst things you can do is pine over guys and wish you had a boyfriend and then stay in alone night after night. How is prince charming going to find you in your house? He’s out and about looking for you too, so let him find you. Make a conscious decision to go out and mix it up. This means go to different places and don’t always be surrounded by a pack of friends. If you always go to the same place chances are you keep on running into the same type of people and always remember - a group of girls is pretty intimidating. Go out alone, or with one or two friends at max.

6. Stop playing games with yourself. I know so many people that justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 7. No sex for 2 or 3 months. If a guy likes you he’ll wait. This is a great way to weed out the guys that aren’t worthy of your time, and also to make sure you connect on a much deeper level before you get intimate. If you have sex before 2 – 3 months you’ve killed the mystery and put yourself on sale when you should have been charging full price. Dying for some sexy times? There are stores with accessories that can help you out. It may not be as good as a human connection but it’s sure better than losing someone that you really liked because you slept with him too soon.
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