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In Online Dating Are Words Necessary, Or Just Symbols?
June 10, 2010 at 3:48 pm 0
online dating Today's post is a guest post from Lily, our new divorcee who's re-learning to date. ----- Welcome to the era of online dating. For those of you who are not single and haven’t been for awhile, you will not be able to even slightly grasp how the world of dating has changed, for those single ladies (and gents) reading this you are probably already laughing. Between facebook, plenty of fish and jdate I can barely keep up with all the accounts I need to check, forget about trying to remember who I spoke to when and about what. But that’s not even the issue, if my biggest problem was meeting too many great people, well this post would be as exciting as watching your friends wedding video! I can deal with the nice people, and the decent conversations that come up every once in awhile but wow are there some weirdo’s out there. My first forage back into the dating world happened about 3 ½ months after my split. Nervous as anything, but figured I needed to get back in the game. Nice guy, not for me, but a nice intro back into the world of dating and a fabulous first introduction to the world of online dating. Should have stopped while I was ahead...spent about an hour chatting with the great guy one night, give him my email address, he sends a lovely email, I respond. That’s it, end of the story, nothing back (we’ll touch on why I think this happened in another post!). Then there is the complete stranger I was set up with, who decides (prior to ever meeting me) that I am too newly separated to be dating. I am so lucky to have strangers in my life who are capable of making decisions for me! Oh did I mention he chose to pass on this worldly advice via facebook? And then there is the influx of sweet messages, feel free to interpret • hi:)Your is very nice beam,and I like to meet you...your lifestyle of the great.my name is “sam”... how are you? (please feel free to translate this one!) • I really like your fantastic smile? (it’s a question?) And my ultimate favourite: him: :) me: well I don’t respond because :) is not words. him: ? me: well again I don’t respond because there are no words in front of the question mark. him: indecisive or technical difficulties? me: neither, a smiley face and a question mark do not constitute a conversation. What ever happened to “hello”? ---- Like this? Check out Lily's other posts Men Vs. Women: Who Should Bring The Condoms What's Better: Happiness Vs. Contentment? Photo Credit: SugaryBlog
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Life
Are You Your Own Dating Enemy?
November 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm 2
Ever wonder why all these bad dating things keep on happening to you? Why do you only seem to meet jerky guys? Do you date guys for a few weeks and then they just disappear? If that sounds familiar there’s a key component that’s in every one of these negative situations – you. Yes, the unfortunate truth is that if you keep on finding yourself dating guys that have no future, waiting for a guy to call and he never does, or going out with guys that always seem to disappear after three months chances are very high that you are doing something to make sure you always end up in these situations. Most likely you are participating in your own dating demise – yup, you are your own dating enemy. There are several common ways that women sabotage their own dating success. 1. Doubting yourself. We all project our feelings about ourselves onto others. If you carry around huge feelings of doubt, and worry, and shame others will pick this up. If you were trying to hire someone for a job wouldn’t you rather chose the person who seemed comfortable with what they bring to the table, instead of the self doubter? You are also looking for a position to fill in someone’s life…so make sure you’re presenting your best self…and you just might find the perfect mate. 2. Not knowing what you want. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream “want” list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Falling for guys tricks. Not everyone wants to be your boyfriend. And not everyone has great intentions. So beware of some of the silly tricks guys play to make sure you don’t fall for them. Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? He’s testing you to see if you’ll take the bait…so don’t fall for it. Does he say he’ll call at 9, but always call much later. Let that one go, he’s not into you and he’s just testing what you’ll put up with. Don’t waste your time on this guy, he’s not serious and he just wants to play. 4. Not setting limits. So many women justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 5. Dating the same guy every time. If you date the same type of guy and it never seems to work out you should look into what you like and what you don’t like. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 6. Lacking faith. It may take some time to find your dream guy, but you have got to believe. You have to know in your heart of hearts that your perfect match is out there, and you have to give all types of guys chances until you find him. Don’t give up. 7. Dating the bad boy. Yes, they were exciting when you were 18, but there’s no place for them in your life now. It’s that simple. If you are looking for a mate you need to get over the bad boy type. Think of the perfect father of your children, or a best friend…and try and find this guy. The bad boy will never measure up, or be any good at being a great dad or supportive partner. So leave him in your past where he belongs. If you are single and wondering why things never seem to work out, take a deep look at what you’re doing and you may just find out you’re more involved with your own dating demise far more than you ever imagined.
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Life
7 Never Fail Tips on How to Talk to Guys
September 22, 2009 at 12:31 pm 0
For many girls chatting with guys is a very scary thing to do. Help is here! With these simple tricks you can chit chat away with anyone, make connections and get yourself closer to finding the man of your dreams. 1. Start where you are comfortable. If you are shy and talking to strange men is hard for you don’t despair, you can start in your comfort zone. If talking with new men is a huge step start talking with new women first. Once you see how easy it is use the same techniques to start talking to men. 2. Ask questions. I used to have a hard time chatting with strangers and then I figured out a little secret – just ask a question! At a coffee line ask if the person has tried a new drink. At the park as the cute guy what kind of dog he has. If you seem interested people will be open to chatting about anything. 3. Don’t forget to be polite and friendly. If you are uncomfortable and find yourself shooting random questions so you can start a conversation step back, take a deep breath, and don’t forget your p’s and q’s. You’re doing this exercise to meet your match, so treat the person as a friend and act natural and polite. 4. Use positive body language. Smile, have your body facing towards them, keep your stance open and stop fidgeting. There are many ways that we communicate with people, so make sure you’re giving all the signs that you’re enjoying the chat. If it’s uncomfortable at first try it out and you’ll see how easy it is. 5. Act interested in the topic. If you have had success chatting with strangers you’ll notice that the more you seem interested in their topic, and the more positive words you infuse the conversation with, the more guys will want to chat. It’s fun to talk to someone who wants to talk to you and who makes you feel good and interesting. It’s not fun chatting with someone who is asking questions and then doesn’t listen to the answer. 6. Don’t let the conversation die. I’ve made so many introductions between people and put out ice breakers for them only to see them let the conversation totally die. In one instance I introduced a girl to one of my friends from high school. I mentioned how they worked in similar industries – finance. He was in mutual funds and she was in currency exchange. Instead of talking more about it she let the conversation die only to say “Those aren’t similar industries”. Later she was talking to me telling me how cute he was! Remember, stay positive and interested and you’ll find many similarities, even if he’s a farmer and you are a salon owner. Look for commonalities instead of differences. 7. Don’t worry about not looking your sexiest. This is probably to your advantage. You look friendlier and more approachable. People will respond better to you, so instead of using this as an excuse to hold back, think of it as a great time to chat away with strangers
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