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Life
The Attitude That Attracts Love
September 29, 2010 at 10:59 am 0

couple-in-love

Recently we came across an article that was too good not to share. It's one of those rare moments where you can look at some of the things you are doing, or even not doing, and how this affects your search for the elusive "Mr. Right". This article is written by Amy Spencer, and was originally published in Women's Health Magazine. Here it is! --- Attractive, smart, successful 37-year-old Carissa had it all... except for what she wanted most: a husband and kids. And despite her best efforts to hide it, the desperation she felt over her single status was written all over her pretty face-hardly a trait most men find magnetic. So last year, she decided to freeze her eggs in an effort to extend her fertility. It was an expensive and sometimes painful process, thanks to the series of hormone injections she underwent. But it left her feeling empowered. “I’d been waiting around for my life to happen, and suddenly I was living it and enjoying myself, and it felt great,” she says. A few months later, she went on a Match.com date. And guess what? This one was fun, they talked, they laughed, and 10 months later... they got married! The moral of the story: you don’t have to freeze your eggs to find love, but you may need to adjust your outlook. “Dating success relies on you embracing your life, even if it’s not exactly the life you had planned,” says Michelle Callahan, Ph.D., a Women’s Health contributor and author of Ms.Typed: Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships and Find Dating Success. “Radiating self-assurance makes people want to join you for the ride.” Read on for tricks to cultivate that vibe. Say Cheese “A happy attitude is so alluring, yet would be shocked by how many women forget to smile when meeting someone new,” says Rachel Dinero, Ph.D., director of the psychology program at Cazenovia College in New York. Not that she faults them. It can be tough to be cheery if you’ve been burned in the past or if the conversation suddenly takes a turn for the tedious. But feeling like a jackass for the few seconds it takes to force a smile may be worth your effort. Research shows that flexing the facial muscles that are required to smile can substantially improve your mood. And it has a similar effect on the person with you. When you smile at someone, it may fire up a bundle of neurons in the frontal lobe of their brain, triggering happy feelings, says Craig Malkin, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Cambridge, Massachusetts. In other words, he could subconsciously start to associate elation with you. Plus, a study published in the journal Psychological Science found that smiling at a person makes you look prettier. Stay with us. Exude Confidence A self-assured attitude acts like a giant spotlight, highlighting all of your great qualities. This explains why a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology proved that men fin women more attractive when they exude confidence. The good news is that developing a healthy dose of it doesn’t require some big, annoying self-improvement project. “Confidence is born when you start thinking of the bigger picture,” says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away. “If you let your self-esteem hinge on a little external factors – he didn’t call, no one congratulated you on your promotion – you end up defining yourself based on other people’s ever-changing approval. When you have a steady view of yourself, it becomes easier to brush off others’ negativity, which can erode your sense of self.” And if you’re ever tempted to make self-deprecating comments in an effort to seem down-to-earth and approachable, don’t. “The latest brain research shows that when people make negative comments about themselves, even in jest, they can start to believe them,” says Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days. Take Control of Your Destiny By deciding to freeze her eggs, Carissa was essentially gaining a tighter hold on the reins of her life. “When you’re in the driver’s seat and making decisions, it sinks in that you’re capable of finding the joy in your life and that you don’t necessarily need a man to bring you happiness,” says Marshall. For example, if you’ve always wanted to own a house, there’s no reason to wait until you need a two-car garage. According to the National Association of Realtors, 21 percent of home buyers are now single women, so you’ll be in good company should you decide to make that leap. Bottom line: Taking charge of your life breeds independence, and a self-sufficient vibe is alluring. If you’re already fulfilled, he won’t get the sense that he’s only positive factor in your life. Who wants that kind of pressure? Focus on the Present When you do meet a great guy, heed this very important piece of advice: Don’t bring up your fast-approaching deadlines for major life milestones (read: marriage and babies) on date one. Guys have radar that picks up on women with timelines, and you don’t want him to think you are just husband shopping and aren’t really interested in him. Instead, talk about the aspects of your life that you’re passionate about – your career, running, cooking, whatever. Chatting about stuff that’s meaningful to you and going on right now serves as an important reminder that you bring a lot to the table. And he’ll want to pull up a seat right next to you.
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Life
In Online Dating Are Words Necessary, Or Just Symbols?
June 10, 2010 at 3:48 pm 0
online dating Today's post is a guest post from Lily, our new divorcee who's re-learning to date. ----- Welcome to the era of online dating. For those of you who are not single and haven’t been for awhile, you will not be able to even slightly grasp how the world of dating has changed, for those single ladies (and gents) reading this you are probably already laughing. Between facebook, plenty of fish and jdate I can barely keep up with all the accounts I need to check, forget about trying to remember who I spoke to when and about what. But that’s not even the issue, if my biggest problem was meeting too many great people, well this post would be as exciting as watching your friends wedding video! I can deal with the nice people, and the decent conversations that come up every once in awhile but wow are there some weirdo’s out there. My first forage back into the dating world happened about 3 ½ months after my split. Nervous as anything, but figured I needed to get back in the game. Nice guy, not for me, but a nice intro back into the world of dating and a fabulous first introduction to the world of online dating. Should have stopped while I was ahead...spent about an hour chatting with the great guy one night, give him my email address, he sends a lovely email, I respond. That’s it, end of the story, nothing back (we’ll touch on why I think this happened in another post!). Then there is the complete stranger I was set up with, who decides (prior to ever meeting me) that I am too newly separated to be dating. I am so lucky to have strangers in my life who are capable of making decisions for me! Oh did I mention he chose to pass on this worldly advice via facebook? And then there is the influx of sweet messages, feel free to interpret • hi:)Your is very nice beam,and I like to meet you...your lifestyle of the great.my name is “sam”... how are you? (please feel free to translate this one!) • I really like your fantastic smile? (it’s a question?) And my ultimate favourite: him: :) me: well I don’t respond because :) is not words. him: ? me: well again I don’t respond because there are no words in front of the question mark. him: indecisive or technical difficulties? me: neither, a smiley face and a question mark do not constitute a conversation. What ever happened to “hello”? ---- Like this? Check out Lily's other posts Men Vs. Women: Who Should Bring The Condoms What's Better: Happiness Vs. Contentment? Photo Credit: SugaryBlog
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Life
Men vs. Women: Who Should Bring The Condoms
May 12, 2010 at 10:49 am 7
condoms Today's article is a guest post from a Lily, a recent divorcee who is re-learning the dating ropes. ---- I literally could not believe what was coming out of her mouth “why would I keep condoms at my house? That’s his responsibility”. I almost fell over. Now I am sure most of you are thinking that I must have been having a conversation with a sure-to-be knocked up soon 16 year old, but sadly no. I was talking to a divorced 32 year old woman. At this age I was shocked to discover that people are still taking this attitude. A strong enough woman to leave her husband when she was unhappy, become a successful lawyer, and yet somehow does not seem to be able to take control of her own sex life. I got curious, perhaps I was a little too in control of my sex life, maybe I was the odd ball out with a box of condoms in my night table drawer (which by the way still seems to be full, but that’s a whole other post!) so the polling of my friends became my newest past time. I literally asked everyone I knew who was single if they had condoms at their house. Pure shock, you have no idea how many woman still think it’s the guys job to bring the condoms. Newsflash ladies, if you don’t have condoms at your place your choices become, 1) no sex (bad choice when you are already at the point of needing a condom) 2) uncovered sex (do I really need to explain the reason for this being a bad choice?!). I don’t know about you but neither of these two options seem like good ones for me. So ladies, it’s 2010 if you’re going to have sex, be prepared, take control of your sexual destiny, and splurge the $12 and stick a box in your night stand, they last for years! Till Next Time, Lily!
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Life
Are You Your Own Dating Enemy?
November 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm 2
Ever wonder why all these bad dating things keep on happening to you? Why do you only seem to meet jerky guys? Do you date guys for a few weeks and then they just disappear? If that sounds familiar there’s a key component that’s in every one of these negative situations – you. Yes, the unfortunate truth is that if you keep on finding yourself dating guys that have no future, waiting for a guy to call and he never does, or going out with guys that always seem to disappear after three months chances are very high that you are doing something to make sure you always end up in these situations. Most likely you are participating in your own dating demise – yup, you are your own dating enemy. There are several common ways that women sabotage their own dating success. 1. Doubting yourself. We all project our feelings about ourselves onto others. If you carry around huge feelings of doubt, and worry, and shame others will pick this up. If you were trying to hire someone for a job wouldn’t you rather chose the person who seemed comfortable with what they bring to the table, instead of the self doubter? You are also looking for a position to fill in someone’s life…so make sure you’re presenting your best self…and you just might find the perfect mate. 2. Not knowing what you want. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream “want” list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Falling for guys tricks. Not everyone wants to be your boyfriend. And not everyone has great intentions. So beware of some of the silly tricks guys play to make sure you don’t fall for them. Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? He’s testing you to see if you’ll take the bait…so don’t fall for it. Does he say he’ll call at 9, but always call much later. Let that one go, he’s not into you and he’s just testing what you’ll put up with. Don’t waste your time on this guy, he’s not serious and he just wants to play. 4. Not setting limits. So many women justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 5. Dating the same guy every time. If you date the same type of guy and it never seems to work out you should look into what you like and what you don’t like. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 6. Lacking faith. It may take some time to find your dream guy, but you have got to believe. You have to know in your heart of hearts that your perfect match is out there, and you have to give all types of guys chances until you find him. Don’t give up. 7. Dating the bad boy. Yes, they were exciting when you were 18, but there’s no place for them in your life now. It’s that simple. If you are looking for a mate you need to get over the bad boy type. Think of the perfect father of your children, or a best friend…and try and find this guy. The bad boy will never measure up, or be any good at being a great dad or supportive partner. So leave him in your past where he belongs. If you are single and wondering why things never seem to work out, take a deep look at what you’re doing and you may just find out you’re more involved with your own dating demise far more than you ever imagined.
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Life
7 Never Fail Tips on How to Talk to Guys
September 22, 2009 at 12:31 pm 0
For many girls chatting with guys is a very scary thing to do. Help is here! With these simple tricks you can chit chat away with anyone, make connections and get yourself closer to finding the man of your dreams. 1. Start where you are comfortable. If you are shy and talking to strange men is hard for you don’t despair, you can start in your comfort zone. If talking with new men is a huge step start talking with new women first. Once you see how easy it is use the same techniques to start talking to men. 2. Ask questions. I used to have a hard time chatting with strangers and then I figured out a little secret – just ask a question! At a coffee line ask if the person has tried a new drink. At the park as the cute guy what kind of dog he has. If you seem interested people will be open to chatting about anything. 3. Don’t forget to be polite and friendly. If you are uncomfortable and find yourself shooting random questions so you can start a conversation step back, take a deep breath, and don’t forget your p’s and q’s. You’re doing this exercise to meet your match, so treat the person as a friend and act natural and polite. 4. Use positive body language. Smile, have your body facing towards them, keep your stance open and stop fidgeting. There are many ways that we communicate with people, so make sure you’re giving all the signs that you’re enjoying the chat. If it’s uncomfortable at first try it out and you’ll see how easy it is. 5. Act interested in the topic. If you have had success chatting with strangers you’ll notice that the more you seem interested in their topic, and the more positive words you infuse the conversation with, the more guys will want to chat. It’s fun to talk to someone who wants to talk to you and who makes you feel good and interesting. It’s not fun chatting with someone who is asking questions and then doesn’t listen to the answer. 6. Don’t let the conversation die. I’ve made so many introductions between people and put out ice breakers for them only to see them let the conversation totally die. In one instance I introduced a girl to one of my friends from high school. I mentioned how they worked in similar industries – finance. He was in mutual funds and she was in currency exchange. Instead of talking more about it she let the conversation die only to say “Those aren’t similar industries”. Later she was talking to me telling me how cute he was! Remember, stay positive and interested and you’ll find many similarities, even if he’s a farmer and you are a salon owner. Look for commonalities instead of differences. 7. Don’t worry about not looking your sexiest. This is probably to your advantage. You look friendlier and more approachable. People will respond better to you, so instead of using this as an excuse to hold back, think of it as a great time to chat away with strangers
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Life
Over 30 and still single? Don’t worry!
September 3, 2009 at 2:34 pm 5
Last year I was at my uncle's house and he was telling me that I really don't have much time to find my mate. After all, it takes time and if you want to have babies tick tock, tick tock. I was a little freaked out by it all. Having gone through a pretty big breakup I wasn't seriously looking, I was more at a point where I wanted to figure out what I was looking for before I tried to find it....but then this fear set in that I'm 31, and time is running out. Shortly after I had my “aha” moment! I was thinking about life and where I wanted to be at different points at my life. I had read in the paper earlier that day that the idea that you shouldn't have children after 35 was never based on fact, but based on assumptions that have never been proven, or even tested. And then I figured that if I can safely have children until I'm 40 that means I have 9 years to find my mate....that's a huge amount of time! I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I allowed myself to sit back and reflect on what I wanted...while still going out on dates and figuring it out as I went along. A few months later I met someone fantastic. Thankfully I let fear subside and I ignored all those worries about life and being single. When I met my boyfriend and we started dating I was able to approach it with a fun and worry free attitude instead of a schedule. I was able to enjoy getting to know someone, instead of trying to determine if he was my match after only a few dates. And that's one of the little things that made a huge difference in my life.
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Life
7 Signs He’s Into You
August 31, 2009 at 1:05 pm 0

For many girls dating is daunting, but worse yet you never know if the guy is into you. So next time you find yourself perplexed make sure you think about the seven telltale signs that a guy’s into you. 1. He always looks happy to see you. When you meet him he smiles at you and his face brightens up. Any look of concentration, or stress, is removed from his face because he’s thinking lovely things about you! 2. He touches you often. When someone likes you they want to touch you. This is true for friends, family and lovers – the more they touch you the more they like you. 3. He makes time for you. Everyone has overscheduled days and no time to spare, but when someone likes you they’ll always take your call, and make your dates. 4. He text messages you to tell you he had a great time. If a guy likes you, he wants to make sure that you know he has a good time with you. So if you get a text message after your date it's a very good sign! 5. He initiates regular plans with you a few days in advance. This is a classic one. If a guy likes you he wants to lock down his time with you. He’ll ask you a few days in advance to make sure he gets the prime times. If you get last minute invites or you have to do the asking he may not be so gaga over you. 6. He introduces you to his key friends. Most guys keep their cards close to their chests, and keep you as a secret until they really like you. If you get a low key invite to meet his friends, like to a dinner party or casual drink, he’s ready to show you off. He will usually chose a low key event so you’ll get a chance to chat with his friends, and they’ll get to know you too. 7. He does things with you that he would never normally do. If a guy doesn’t drink coffee, but he’ll sit for hours at Starbucks with you, it’s a very good sign...and if he’ll watch girly movies with you in the theatre that’s an even better sign!
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Life
Seven Great Things About Dating
August 6, 2009 at 10:32 am 0
For most daters we go through periods of a dating slump - we question if our dream partner is really out there, we wonder when our next date will appear, and after many failed dates we may even start to have a negative attitude and wonder if it's really worth it. Sometimes all we need is a little reminder of the positives to keep us trucking along. So don't despair daters, there are many great things about dating! 1. You get to know yourself really well. What you like, what you don't like...and all the thing in between. The better understanding you have of yourself the better you can judge if your date would fit into your picture. 2. You learn to read other people well. After many dates with many different people you figure everyone out pretty easily. Enjoy the extra knowledge that you pick up along the way, so when you are out on future dates you'll know if he's a prince or a toad in no time! 3. You get to try different people on for size. Many successful daters go all over....larger men, older men, jokers......until they found the perfect fit. Don't keep on trying the same thing and wondering why it doesn't work...mix it up and you may have more success. 4. You get to see lots of new places. When dating we tend to be more adventurous and so do our dates, so we get exposed to new places and new things very easily. It's like you get to be a tourist in your own life! 5. You get to meet new people. Sometimes he’s not Mr. Right, but we get to meet lots of new great people and their friends and families. Enjoy the contact with new people...they may end up being your friends or business colleagues in the future! 6. You get to kiss lots of boys. Need I say more? 7. You have great stories to tell your girlfriends!
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Life
Seven Secrets About Men They’ll Never Tell You
July 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm 2
While ladies tell their girlfriends every last detail about their dating life, men tend to keep silent. To help solve some of the mystery here are seven little dating secrets that you'll never hear from a man. 1. Men want to find their perfect match as much as women do. Everyone wants to be in a fulfilling, supportive and loving relationship. It’s just not cool for guys to talk about it. Instead they talk about humping girls and sports. 2. A challenge is a great thing. Think low maintenance is sexy? To a certain degree it is, but if you say yes to everything and don’t challenge your man on some things that’s boring. Really boring. 3. Girls with limits are sexy. Don’t let your man get away with bad behaviour. Secretly, guys love it when you let them know you expect to be treated like a princess sometimes and you will accept no less. They will push your boundaries, and test out if you will stay strong on these, so make sure you are strong and believe in what you’re asking for. Don’t go overboard though. For some girls it’s as simple as their man opening the car door for them on date night, for others it’s getting him to make reservations at your favourite restaurant instead of you doing it…..whatever it is make sure it’s important to you, otherwise it’s just silly. 4. Men love to be loved, admired and appreciated. Every man wants a woman that lets him knows he’s great, and says thank you for the little things, and provides support and encouragement. As much as we love it when our friends tell us we look cute and sexy and that we really helped them out by driving them to the mall men love it too. If your guy does a sweet thing make sure you tell him. It makes him feel great and makes him want to do more sweet things for you. 5. Men love to feel powerful. They like to feel that they know what they are doing and that you are confident in them. One of the main killers of this great feeling is when women nag. It’s just annoying. Sometimes if your man takes a longer route to a party and you know a better way, just be quiet. If he’s stressed and work is bothering him, let him know that you think it’s great how dedicated he is and how you know he’ll come up with a great solution. It’ll make him feel great, even if he never tells you. 6. Sex is a great reward. It’s just that simple. If you want your man to feel great and powerful and like a man you should be having lots of sex. And not mercy sex either. Do what you have to and get yourself in a mental space where you love the lovemaking. Read some sexy novels, buy some new lingerie, talk dirty….whatever it is get yourself ready for sexy times and then get at it! 7. There are lots of things men love and they’ll never admit it. See numbers 1 - 6 for more details.
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Life
How to Find Mr. Right
June 4, 2009 at 3:22 pm 0
For many of us daters we spend so much of our time obsessing over our dates, but we don't really know what we're looking for. It's like we have a goal in mind, without a game plan. So, I went on a research spree to find out how to date successfully and how girls can get what they want out of dating.

1. Find the patterns in your dating past. What did you like and what did you not like?Chances are you’ll find a pattern. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 2. Make a list of what you are looking for. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream "want" list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Think of how you present yourself. This one is huge! Step out of yourself for a few minutes and think of the impressions you give other people. Do people respond well to you and keep asking more? Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? Do people often look past you and at other girls when they are talking to you? Most of the time how people respond to you is a mirror of the impressions you are giving them. If people always want to talk to you about sex and your naughty experiences chances are very high you are giving the impression you are sexually available. If you aren’t happy with how people respond to you it is entirely up to you to make some serious changes and have people respond to you with respect and warmth.

4. Keep yourself open to opportunity. Look all around for chances to meet and connect with people. Waiting in line for a coffee? Have a quick chat with a stranger. If this is hard for you take baby steps. Maybe talk to women at first, and then start talking to men once you find it easier. Asking questions is an easy icebreaker – for example “How is that iced chocolate chip mint latte? I’ve never had one before” Everywhere you go find ways to chat with strangers, whether it’s at the coffee shop, at the park, or at the candy store. In these days of internet everything people are craving a human connection – if you just want to say hi people will usually respond well. 5. Go out often. One of the worst things you can do is pine over guys and wish you had a boyfriend and then stay in alone night after night. How is prince charming going to find you in your house? He’s out and about looking for you too, so let him find you. Make a conscious decision to go out and mix it up. This means go to different places and don’t always be surrounded by a pack of friends. If you always go to the same place chances are you keep on running into the same type of people and always remember - a group of girls is pretty intimidating. Go out alone, or with one or two friends at max.

6. Stop playing games with yourself. I know so many people that justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 7. No sex for 2 or 3 months. If a guy likes you he’ll wait. This is a great way to weed out the guys that aren’t worthy of your time, and also to make sure you connect on a much deeper level before you get intimate. If you have sex before 2 – 3 months you’ve killed the mystery and put yourself on sale when you should have been charging full price. Dying for some sexy times? There are stores with accessories that can help you out. It may not be as good as a human connection but it’s sure better than losing someone that you really liked because you slept with him too soon.
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