November 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Ever wonder why all these bad dating things keep on happening to you? Why do you only seem to meet jerky guys? Do you date guys for a few weeks and then they just disappear?
If that sounds familiar there’s a key component that’s in every one of these negative situations – you. Yes, the unfortunate truth is that if you keep on finding yourself dating guys that have no future, waiting for a guy to call and he never does, or going out with guys that always seem to disappear after three months chances are very high that you are doing something to make sure you always end up in these situations. Most likely you are participating in your own dating demise – yup, you are your own dating enemy.
There are several common ways that women sabotage their own dating success.
1. Doubting yourself. We all project our feelings about ourselves onto others. If you carry around huge feelings of doubt, and worry, and shame others will pick this up. If you were trying to hire someone for a job wouldn’t you rather chose the person who seemed comfortable with what they bring to the table, instead of the self doubter? You are also looking for a position to fill in someone’s life…so make sure you’re presenting your best self…and you just might find the perfect mate.
2. Not knowing what you want. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream “want” list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid.
3. Falling for guys tricks. Not everyone wants to be your boyfriend. And not everyone has great intentions. So beware of some of the silly tricks guys play to make sure you don’t fall for them. Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? He’s testing you to see if you’ll take the bait…so don’t fall for it. Does he say he’ll call at 9, but always call much later. Let that one go, he’s not into you and he’s just testing what you’ll put up with. Don’t waste your time on this guy, he’s not serious and he just wants to play.
4. Not setting limits. So many women justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this.
5. Dating the same guy every time. If you date the same type of guy and it never seems to work out you should look into what you like and what you don’t like. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future.
6. Lacking faith. It may take some time to find your dream guy, but you have got to believe. You have to know in your heart of hearts that your perfect match is out there, and you have to give all types of guys chances until you find him. Don’t give up.
7. Dating the bad boy. Yes, they were exciting when you were 18, but there’s no place for them in your life now. It’s that simple. If you are looking for a mate you need to get over the bad boy type. Think of the perfect father of your children, or a best friend…and try and find this guy. The bad boy will never measure up, or be any good at being a great dad or supportive partner. So leave him in your past where he belongs.
If you are single and wondering why things never seem to work out, take a deep look at what you’re doing and you may just find out you’re more involved with your own dating demise far more than you ever imagined.
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