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Life
Are You Your Own Dating Enemy?
November 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm 2
Ever wonder why all these bad dating things keep on happening to you? Why do you only seem to meet jerky guys? Do you date guys for a few weeks and then they just disappear? If that sounds familiar there’s a key component that’s in every one of these negative situations – you. Yes, the unfortunate truth is that if you keep on finding yourself dating guys that have no future, waiting for a guy to call and he never does, or going out with guys that always seem to disappear after three months chances are very high that you are doing something to make sure you always end up in these situations. Most likely you are participating in your own dating demise – yup, you are your own dating enemy. There are several common ways that women sabotage their own dating success. 1. Doubting yourself. We all project our feelings about ourselves onto others. If you carry around huge feelings of doubt, and worry, and shame others will pick this up. If you were trying to hire someone for a job wouldn’t you rather chose the person who seemed comfortable with what they bring to the table, instead of the self doubter? You are also looking for a position to fill in someone’s life…so make sure you’re presenting your best self…and you just might find the perfect mate. 2. Not knowing what you want. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream “want” list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Falling for guys tricks. Not everyone wants to be your boyfriend. And not everyone has great intentions. So beware of some of the silly tricks guys play to make sure you don’t fall for them. Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? He’s testing you to see if you’ll take the bait…so don’t fall for it. Does he say he’ll call at 9, but always call much later. Let that one go, he’s not into you and he’s just testing what you’ll put up with. Don’t waste your time on this guy, he’s not serious and he just wants to play. 4. Not setting limits. So many women justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 5. Dating the same guy every time. If you date the same type of guy and it never seems to work out you should look into what you like and what you don’t like. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 6. Lacking faith. It may take some time to find your dream guy, but you have got to believe. You have to know in your heart of hearts that your perfect match is out there, and you have to give all types of guys chances until you find him. Don’t give up. 7. Dating the bad boy. Yes, they were exciting when you were 18, but there’s no place for them in your life now. It’s that simple. If you are looking for a mate you need to get over the bad boy type. Think of the perfect father of your children, or a best friend…and try and find this guy. The bad boy will never measure up, or be any good at being a great dad or supportive partner. So leave him in your past where he belongs. If you are single and wondering why things never seem to work out, take a deep look at what you’re doing and you may just find out you’re more involved with your own dating demise far more than you ever imagined.
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Life
Big and Wonderful News – I’m Engaged!
September 28, 2009 at 12:23 pm 18

Something very wonderful, exciting and beautiful is brewing in my life - I'm engaged! I'm sure there are lots of questions like "how did it happen?", "how did he propose?" "did you get a ring?", so I thought I'd just head those all off. Here's the engagement story: For me I knew he was "the one" very early on but I needed to pass some milestones together before making it official. I needed him to meet my aunt and uncle (who are like second parents to me), I needed to meet his parents, and I needed some time to pass together so I knew it wasn't just a new thing, but everyday love. Over the past few months we've passed all these important milestones and as the time keeps moving on we feel closer and closer together, we become more and more connected and I can't imagine spending my days without him. He's my everyday bread and butter.

We've done some very fancy things together like going to top notch restaurants and 5 star resorts, we've done some very basic things together like renovate my apartment and sort through his tax receipts(fun, I know), and we've taken long trips together and endured everyday hardships with work stress and other little life tensions. And through it all we were growing together, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

I wasn't surprised when he proposed. He'd given me some hints that he was ready to get married. He had even asked me casually a few times if I wanted to get married...he would just slip it into conversations with things like "when do you think you'd like to get married?" and "where do you want to get married?". One time we were skipping rocks on the lake and he asked me point blank "will you marry me?" but I didn't take it that seriously. We had only been dating six months and I wasn't at that point yet so I answered "in the future, yes". In total he asked me three times before I accepted his proposal! It's a good thing he's persistent! The last time he asked me I knew there was something different. We had been together for ten months, and I'd met his family and he'd met some of mine. A good amount of time passed so I knew it wasn't just a fun new thing. We'd even traveled together and spent every minute together for ten days straight and not made each other crazy. Quite the opposite actually, we had a lovely time together and became the very best of friends. So after all these events I realized this was my man. He is sweet, kind, caring, responsible, hardworking, funny and is all around lovely. After asking me two times to get married I couldn't resist his third proposal. We were at Langdon Hall having a very romantic last minute getaway. We had spent a wonderful day and evening together and just relaxed and did romantic things, like sitting in front of the pond watching the fish swim by while holding hands, or napping on the grass together underneath a tree with a light breeze blowing on us. It was just perfect. We woke up the next day and were chatting in bed. After a few minutes of chatting away he looked over at me and asked "Will you marry me?", and without a blink I said "Yes!" It was a wonderful moment. Even though it was 9am we opened some celebration wine.

Since it wasn't a planned event he didn't have a ring or anything. But he'd done his research. He'd read online that it's very important to get a ring that you know your lady wants, instead of what you THINK she wants. So he'd been collecting information along the way to figure out what I'd like. But he wasn't totally confident. So, instead of proposing with a ring, he decided that he'd let me pick out my own ring after we were engaged. And that's exactly what we did. We went to the jewelery store and had a custom ring made based on an earring that I liked. It took about 6 weeks to get the ring, and I didn't want to tell anyone I was engaged until I had my ring. I knew the first question that every girl was going to ask me would be "What does your ring look like?" I wanted to have a ring to show them. So last Tuesday my ring was finally ready. We went out to celebrate at a fancy restaurant we'd had our third date at. The anticipation was killing me. I was so excited to see it, but also didn't want to open it right away...I wanted to enjoy the excitement! So we had a glass of champagne and the lovely package from the jeweler made its way over to my side of the table. And then we had our appetizer and the package was right next to me. When we had our main course I'd opened the lovely letter my fiance had written to me. After our tea I finally opened the package. It's beautiful. My ring is exactly what I wanted. But an engagement ring isn't something that carries no weight. It's a huge deal! So instead of focusing on the ring I kept on telling my fiance how much I loved him and how excited I was about this step in our lives. He thought I wasn't that excited about the ring because I wasn't focusing on it, I was focusing on him and us.

Of course I'm super excited about the ring! It's gorgeous! But even now when I look at it I'm excited about the idea of sharing our lives together.
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Life
7 Never Fail Tips on How to Talk to Guys
September 22, 2009 at 12:31 pm 0
For many girls chatting with guys is a very scary thing to do. Help is here! With these simple tricks you can chit chat away with anyone, make connections and get yourself closer to finding the man of your dreams. 1. Start where you are comfortable. If you are shy and talking to strange men is hard for you don’t despair, you can start in your comfort zone. If talking with new men is a huge step start talking with new women first. Once you see how easy it is use the same techniques to start talking to men. 2. Ask questions. I used to have a hard time chatting with strangers and then I figured out a little secret – just ask a question! At a coffee line ask if the person has tried a new drink. At the park as the cute guy what kind of dog he has. If you seem interested people will be open to chatting about anything. 3. Don’t forget to be polite and friendly. If you are uncomfortable and find yourself shooting random questions so you can start a conversation step back, take a deep breath, and don’t forget your p’s and q’s. You’re doing this exercise to meet your match, so treat the person as a friend and act natural and polite. 4. Use positive body language. Smile, have your body facing towards them, keep your stance open and stop fidgeting. There are many ways that we communicate with people, so make sure you’re giving all the signs that you’re enjoying the chat. If it’s uncomfortable at first try it out and you’ll see how easy it is. 5. Act interested in the topic. If you have had success chatting with strangers you’ll notice that the more you seem interested in their topic, and the more positive words you infuse the conversation with, the more guys will want to chat. It’s fun to talk to someone who wants to talk to you and who makes you feel good and interesting. It’s not fun chatting with someone who is asking questions and then doesn’t listen to the answer. 6. Don’t let the conversation die. I’ve made so many introductions between people and put out ice breakers for them only to see them let the conversation totally die. In one instance I introduced a girl to one of my friends from high school. I mentioned how they worked in similar industries – finance. He was in mutual funds and she was in currency exchange. Instead of talking more about it she let the conversation die only to say “Those aren’t similar industries”. Later she was talking to me telling me how cute he was! Remember, stay positive and interested and you’ll find many similarities, even if he’s a farmer and you are a salon owner. Look for commonalities instead of differences. 7. Don’t worry about not looking your sexiest. This is probably to your advantage. You look friendlier and more approachable. People will respond better to you, so instead of using this as an excuse to hold back, think of it as a great time to chat away with strangers
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Life
Date Night Rituals
September 18, 2009 at 1:43 pm 0

When I have a special date I have this ritual that I love to follow. I draw a bath, sip some wine, put on some good music, and really take my time getting ready. I pick my clothes, change a few times, and then maybe change a few times more. A few hours later when my boyfriend picks me up I feel totally refreshed and like I just spent some quality time doing silly, girly stuff. When I talk to my girlfriends it seems like everyone has funny rituals they follow to get ready. What's yours?
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Life
How to be a Good Girlfriend: Learning When to Say Nothing
September 10, 2009 at 1:24 pm 0
I’m not sure that I’m a good girlfriend all of the time…I do have my indecisive, cranky and grumbly moments, but most of the time I think I do a good job of being a girlfriend.

One little trick I learned to be a good girlfriend – sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. Like when your boyfriend is trying to do something and he can’t figure it out, that's a good time to keep quiet. It happened to me in Italy. I guess the way you fill up a car with gas is a little different than in North America, and it got a tad frustrating for him…I could see my boyfriends face looking more and more grumpy, he was scratching his head, he didn’t want the other people to help him out, he wasn’t sure how to get the money in the machine…. So instead of standing over him and asking him what was wrong I found my own fun…and started taking pictures of nearby cherry trees. It worked wonders. Five minutes later the car was filled with gas, the furrow in his brow was gone and we were on our way. Sometimes saying nothing is the best thing you can do.
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Life
Over 30 and still single? Don’t worry!
September 3, 2009 at 2:34 pm 5
Last year I was at my uncle's house and he was telling me that I really don't have much time to find my mate. After all, it takes time and if you want to have babies tick tock, tick tock. I was a little freaked out by it all. Having gone through a pretty big breakup I wasn't seriously looking, I was more at a point where I wanted to figure out what I was looking for before I tried to find it....but then this fear set in that I'm 31, and time is running out. Shortly after I had my “aha” moment! I was thinking about life and where I wanted to be at different points at my life. I had read in the paper earlier that day that the idea that you shouldn't have children after 35 was never based on fact, but based on assumptions that have never been proven, or even tested. And then I figured that if I can safely have children until I'm 40 that means I have 9 years to find my mate....that's a huge amount of time! I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I allowed myself to sit back and reflect on what I wanted...while still going out on dates and figuring it out as I went along. A few months later I met someone fantastic. Thankfully I let fear subside and I ignored all those worries about life and being single. When I met my boyfriend and we started dating I was able to approach it with a fun and worry free attitude instead of a schedule. I was able to enjoy getting to know someone, instead of trying to determine if he was my match after only a few dates. And that's one of the little things that made a huge difference in my life.
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Life
7 Signs He’s Into You
August 31, 2009 at 1:05 pm 0

For many girls dating is daunting, but worse yet you never know if the guy is into you. So next time you find yourself perplexed make sure you think about the seven telltale signs that a guy’s into you. 1. He always looks happy to see you. When you meet him he smiles at you and his face brightens up. Any look of concentration, or stress, is removed from his face because he’s thinking lovely things about you! 2. He touches you often. When someone likes you they want to touch you. This is true for friends, family and lovers – the more they touch you the more they like you. 3. He makes time for you. Everyone has overscheduled days and no time to spare, but when someone likes you they’ll always take your call, and make your dates. 4. He text messages you to tell you he had a great time. If a guy likes you, he wants to make sure that you know he has a good time with you. So if you get a text message after your date it's a very good sign! 5. He initiates regular plans with you a few days in advance. This is a classic one. If a guy likes you he wants to lock down his time with you. He’ll ask you a few days in advance to make sure he gets the prime times. If you get last minute invites or you have to do the asking he may not be so gaga over you. 6. He introduces you to his key friends. Most guys keep their cards close to their chests, and keep you as a secret until they really like you. If you get a low key invite to meet his friends, like to a dinner party or casual drink, he’s ready to show you off. He will usually chose a low key event so you’ll get a chance to chat with his friends, and they’ll get to know you too. 7. He does things with you that he would never normally do. If a guy doesn’t drink coffee, but he’ll sit for hours at Starbucks with you, it’s a very good sign...and if he’ll watch girly movies with you in the theatre that’s an even better sign!
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Travel
Seven Italian Lessons
August 14, 2009 at 12:12 pm 0
1. With the right travel partner touring in unkown lands is a delight. I went with my boyfriend, and we spent every minute together for 11 days. Even in stressful situations we laughed about it later. With the wrong travel partner you could spend a painful two weeks stressed out of your mind. 2. Tuscan wines are to be enjoyed in excess. Wine with lunch, afternoon wines, wine with dinner, after dinner drinks, nightcaps…….. it was all so amazing that I couldn’t resist. 3. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. It happened on day six, when my pants didn’t fit…..I realized that a steady diet of cheese, wine and salami are not slimming. 4. Shopping in Italy is a serious activity. Everybody dresses up and looks their very best to go to the shops and be waited on. And, there is a definite etiquette to be followed….I don’t know what it is, but I know that I don’t know it. 5. There are no Italians…..in tourist areas anyways. I was amazed that after travelling through Florence, Rome, Amalfi and Siena that there were almost no Italians……I found them on the last day in the outskirts of Florence. I can’t blame them, I’d go crazy too if I had millions of tourists in my town every year. 6. Italians are not that friendly. French people have a bad reputation from tourists because they let you know they don’t like you, whereas Italians just ignore you. I was expecting them to be warmer and more inviting. 7. Sometimes you just need to sit back. Let the driver wiz you around - even if you are two inches from all the other cars, flying around sharp corners and going through dark tunnels at 140km/hour, just go with it! Otherwise you’ll be stressed your ENTIRE vacation, and that’s just not fun.
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Life
Seven Great Things About Dating
August 6, 2009 at 10:32 am 0
For most daters we go through periods of a dating slump - we question if our dream partner is really out there, we wonder when our next date will appear, and after many failed dates we may even start to have a negative attitude and wonder if it's really worth it. Sometimes all we need is a little reminder of the positives to keep us trucking along. So don't despair daters, there are many great things about dating! 1. You get to know yourself really well. What you like, what you don't like...and all the thing in between. The better understanding you have of yourself the better you can judge if your date would fit into your picture. 2. You learn to read other people well. After many dates with many different people you figure everyone out pretty easily. Enjoy the extra knowledge that you pick up along the way, so when you are out on future dates you'll know if he's a prince or a toad in no time! 3. You get to try different people on for size. Many successful daters go all over....larger men, older men, jokers......until they found the perfect fit. Don't keep on trying the same thing and wondering why it doesn't work...mix it up and you may have more success. 4. You get to see lots of new places. When dating we tend to be more adventurous and so do our dates, so we get exposed to new places and new things very easily. It's like you get to be a tourist in your own life! 5. You get to meet new people. Sometimes he’s not Mr. Right, but we get to meet lots of new great people and their friends and families. Enjoy the contact with new people...they may end up being your friends or business colleagues in the future! 6. You get to kiss lots of boys. Need I say more? 7. You have great stories to tell your girlfriends!
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Life
How to Find Mr. Right
June 4, 2009 at 3:22 pm 0
For many of us daters we spend so much of our time obsessing over our dates, but we don't really know what we're looking for. It's like we have a goal in mind, without a game plan. So, I went on a research spree to find out how to date successfully and how girls can get what they want out of dating.

1. Find the patterns in your dating past. What did you like and what did you not like?Chances are you’ll find a pattern. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future. 2. Make a list of what you are looking for. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream "want" list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid. 3. Think of how you present yourself. This one is huge! Step out of yourself for a few minutes and think of the impressions you give other people. Do people respond well to you and keep asking more? Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? Do people often look past you and at other girls when they are talking to you? Most of the time how people respond to you is a mirror of the impressions you are giving them. If people always want to talk to you about sex and your naughty experiences chances are very high you are giving the impression you are sexually available. If you aren’t happy with how people respond to you it is entirely up to you to make some serious changes and have people respond to you with respect and warmth.

4. Keep yourself open to opportunity. Look all around for chances to meet and connect with people. Waiting in line for a coffee? Have a quick chat with a stranger. If this is hard for you take baby steps. Maybe talk to women at first, and then start talking to men once you find it easier. Asking questions is an easy icebreaker – for example “How is that iced chocolate chip mint latte? I’ve never had one before” Everywhere you go find ways to chat with strangers, whether it’s at the coffee shop, at the park, or at the candy store. In these days of internet everything people are craving a human connection – if you just want to say hi people will usually respond well. 5. Go out often. One of the worst things you can do is pine over guys and wish you had a boyfriend and then stay in alone night after night. How is prince charming going to find you in your house? He’s out and about looking for you too, so let him find you. Make a conscious decision to go out and mix it up. This means go to different places and don’t always be surrounded by a pack of friends. If you always go to the same place chances are you keep on running into the same type of people and always remember - a group of girls is pretty intimidating. Go out alone, or with one or two friends at max.

6. Stop playing games with yourself. I know so many people that justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this. 7. No sex for 2 or 3 months. If a guy likes you he’ll wait. This is a great way to weed out the guys that aren’t worthy of your time, and also to make sure you connect on a much deeper level before you get intimate. If you have sex before 2 – 3 months you’ve killed the mystery and put yourself on sale when you should have been charging full price. Dying for some sexy times? There are stores with accessories that can help you out. It may not be as good as a human connection but it’s sure better than losing someone that you really liked because you slept with him too soon.
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