For many of us daters we spend so much of our time obsessing over our dates, but we don’t really know what we’re looking for. It’s like we have a goal in mind, without a game plan. So, I went on a research spree to find out how to date successfully and how girls can get what they want out of dating.
1. Find the patterns in your dating past. What did you like and what did you not like?Chances are you’ll find a pattern. If you want to date out of your comfort zone and find your perfect match you need to look at all the similarities in your past and figure out why you went for those guys. When you see patterns emerge you can figure out how to avoid them in the future.
2. Make a list of what you are looking for. If you are searching for a partner make sure you know what qualities that person has. It’s best to do this when you feel comfortable, happy and relaxed. Don’t do this when you are feeling sad, lonely, used or abused. You want this list to be a list of your dream man. Not a list of the type of guy you don’t want. If your list has several “he doesn’t yell at me, he’s not cheap, etc etc” you know you are not in the right place to be writing now. Step back, take a sip of tea or a walk and start again. This is your dream “want” list, not a list of things you are trying to avoid.
3. Think of how you present yourself. This one is huge! Step out of yourself for a few minutes and think of the impressions you give other people. Do people respond well to you and keep asking more? Do guys try and talk to you about sex right away? Do people often look past you and at other girls when they are talking to you? Most of the time how people respond to you is a mirror of the impressions you are giving them. If people always want to talk to you about sex and your naughty experiences chances are very high you are giving the impression you are sexually available. If you aren’t happy with how people respond to you it is entirely up to you to make some serious changes and have people respond to you with respect and warmth.
4. Keep yourself open to opportunity. Look all around for chances to meet and connect with people. Waiting in line for a coffee? Have a quick chat with a stranger. If this is hard for you take baby steps. Maybe talk to women at first, and then start talking to men once you find it easier. Asking questions is an easy icebreaker – for example “How is that iced chocolate chip mint latte? I’ve never had one before” Everywhere you go find ways to chat with strangers, whether it’s at the coffee shop, at the park, or at the candy store. In these days of internet everything people are craving a human connection – if you just want to say hi people will usually respond well.
5. Go out often. One of the worst things you can do is pine over guys and wish you had a boyfriend and then stay in alone night after night. How is prince charming going to find you in your house? He’s out and about looking for you too, so let him find you. Make a conscious decision to go out and mix it up. This means go to different places and don’t always be surrounded by a pack of friends. If you always go to the same place chances are you keep on running into the same type of people and always remember – a group of girls is pretty intimidating. Go out alone, or with one or two friends at max.
6. Stop playing games with yourself. I know so many people that justify bad behaviour of their dates. He hasn’t called you in a week, and then he calls at midnight and wants to get together. Stop playing games with yourself! Don’t make excuses for others. Actions speak louder than words, and if a guy wants you, he’ll make sure you know it. If you don’t know where you stand you probably don’t stand anywhere. Set limits on what you will accept and what you won’t, and don’t deviate from this.
7. No sex for 2 or 3 months. If a guy likes you he’ll wait. This is a great way to weed out the guys that aren’t worthy of your time, and also to make sure you connect on a much deeper level before you get intimate. If you have sex before 2 – 3 months you’ve killed the mystery and put yourself on sale when you should have been charging full price. Dying for some sexy times? There are stores with accessories that can help you out. It may not be as good as a human connection but it’s sure better than losing someone that you really liked because you slept with him too soon.